This article is taken from the Winter 2014 issue of LymphLine, the LSN's quarterly newsletter available to all LSN members.
For details of how to become a member, click here.
Celebrity Pointless
By Simon Hickson
March seems like an age away today, but that was when me and my comedy partner, Trev Neal, took part in a ‘90s themed edition of Pointless Celebrities, the Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman hosted general knowledge quiz in which we, the pointless celebrity contestants from the ‘90s, try to come up with the answers that nobody else could think of. We were up against the Right Said Fred brothers, Richard and Fred Fairbrass, former The Word hosts, Terry Christian and Katie Puckrick, and former Gladiator folk Ulrika Jonsson and Diane “Jet” Youdale. The winners of the show would go on to win £2,500 prize money for the charities of their choosing.
Trev chose SurfLifeSavingGB, in recognition and thanks for the work of Dave Melmoth, winner of Life Saver of the Year at the Heroes of The Surf Awards 2013. This is a charity close to Trev’s heart and Trev had a good reason to pick it; with no need for hyperbole, quite simply, Dave saved Trev’s daughter’s life.
I chose The Lymphoedema Support Network. Over the years the charity (and in particular, lymphoedema practitioner, Kath Bateson from St. Anne’s Hospice in Little Hulton) have supported and helped my mum, Pat, enormously. When my mum first had to deal with lymphoedema (following on from breast cancer and the removal of the lymph nodes about 13 years ago) there was little information available. Her doctor gave her a pamphlet and, hidden away on the back page, was a contact number for the LSN, based (sinisterly) in a crypt! My mum called and since that day, LSN have been great. Thank you.
But, crucially, did we win? Well (spoiler alert), yes!
We won on Wednesday 19th March and it has been hell to keep it a secret. No one is supposed to know the result until it airs on TV. I didn’t want my mum to find out... but then my wife knew, Trev’s wife knew, Trev’s mum knew... even the LSN knew and thanked me on Twitter until we jumped in and said “Delete! Delete!” This has had to be kept secret for nearly seven months! By the time it aired, I’d even forgotten what I’d answered.
At last we got a transmission date. The 4th of October. Which just also happened to be my mum’s birthday.
And so we invited my mum to visit, we invited a few friends along to my wife, Zoe’s café (The Archie Parker in Forest Hill, London, if you’re passing), we bought some beers and some fizz in, and we set up our telly in the café with an indoor aerial (every time a bus went by we lost the signal). We kept it a secret from my mum and we all watched as it went out live on BBC1, missing one in every eight pointless guesses as the 185 hurtled by.
And then there we were in the Final Round and we won £2,500 thanks to the great actor Paddy Considine being pointless. Who knew? And to top it all, it transpired that Paddy was watching the show, and so; a bonus birthday present for my mum – a Happy Birthday Twitter wish from the suspicious Mr Whicher.
I love quiz shows, and I especially love Pointless. Being on the show, getting to meet the gracious Xander and Richard, and, of course, winning, are, no doubt, highlights of my career. Being able to help Trev thank the people who saved Carys’ life, being able to thank LSN, and Kath, and being able to give my mum a slightly different 79th birthday present, well that’s something else.
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